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Lancaster Mock York's Massive Roses Defeat

by Anonymous

The recently installed Lancaster Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf was happy to report on yet another amazing Lancaster victory at Roses 2003. Clearly delighted with the performance the sports teams had put in, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf said:

"Once again the illustrious Lancastrian sportsmen and women have slaughtered the York infidels on the playing field. Ha - I tell you now that all but three of their teams managed to make it out of their ridiculous western beds in time for the start, and these teams, which did not even exsist, were easily dealt with by our teams. I believe, and I speak for myself here when I say this, I believe that the final score was 1403 points to us, and minus 4 to York."

When questioned on the authenticity of these scores, and reports of sightings the York AU president and Exec committee out celebrating, Mohammed was swift to react, and stated:

"I triple guarantee you - there are no York sportspeople. Never! They do not exsist. This war was an illusion whipped up, and perpetrated by the western media. We have not seen any York people, and we are in full control of all of them"